"THE ONLY THING NEEDED FOR EVIL TO TRIUMPH IS FOR GOOD MEN TO DO NOTHING"

Political Views

International Burnouts (Video)

Bubba and Ray

(Tennessee mechanical engineers)
Were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

'We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said Bubba, 'but we don't have a ladder.'

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, 'Eighteen feet, six inches,' and walked away.

Ray shook his head and laughed. 'Ain't that just like a woman! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!'

Hillary Caught on tape! (Page)

Show'em to me! (Video)

Sleepin Round

ALABAMA school district (Page)

How Men Change Diapers (Video)

A Classic Blonde Joke.....

A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: 'I  don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother'.

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). 'Anything?' he asked.

'Yes, yes, anything' the blonde promised.

'Well then, just follow me', said the man as he walked towards the next room.

The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.

'Come in and close the door' the man said.

She did. He then said 'Now get on your knees.'

She did. 'Now take down my zipper'.

She did. 'Now go ahead ... take it out....' he said.

She reached in and grabbed it with both hands then paused.

The man closed his eyes and whispered 'Well.......... go ahead'.

The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while  holding it close to her lips, tentatively said...

'Hello. Mom, can you hear me?'

The wax job (Page)

That's my point

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up... The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said , 'Things are great and I've never felt better.' I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
"So what do you think about that, Doc?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season." One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home, and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit, he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'."

"Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.
Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said, "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver." The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

DAVE THE HEN (Page)

A Short Love Story
A man and a woman who had never met before, and were both married to
other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....

He in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied . "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed. "Good ," she replied.

"Get your own damn blanket."
After a moment of silence, he farted.

Think Before You Speak (Page)

When Insults Had Class

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled

down to 4-letter words ..

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:

She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."

He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli:

"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your

mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston

Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great

pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the

dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -

Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." -

Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a

friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." -

Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen

Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin

S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel

Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." - Jack E.

Leonard

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human

knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles,

Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -

Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than

illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

Keep the preacher

A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation, no one wanted him to leave.

Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and proclaims, "If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!"

The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds. Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, "If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!"

More sighs and loud applause, Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the Preacher stays, I will give him sex!"

There is total silence. The Preacher, blushing, asks her, "Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?"

Sadie's 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies,

"Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, "Screw the Preacher!"

Isn't senility wonderful?

Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

2008 FEMALE REDNECK CALENDAR GIRLS!!!? (Page)
 

There's a light at the end of the tunnel

The Patriot (Page)

Idiot Sightings (Page)

Your Help Needed!!!

I usually don't pass along these "add your name" lists. This one is important.

This one has been circulating for months and months. Please do not delete ... if you don't want to sign, at least keep it going ! WE NEED YOUR HELP!!!

To show your support for Hillary and encourage her in her run for President of the United States in 2008, please add your name to the rapidly growing list below!!
1. Bill
2. Chelsea
3. Anybody Else????

Naughty Cartoons (Picks)

Idiot With a Jeep (Video)

Don't you just love kids

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass." The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."  WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice,

"And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know" he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"

What a Muslim Pussy Looks Like (Pick)

The Castle at Ibiza (Page)

Two Point Nav System (Page)

A Bad Cat Day (Video)

Three Rednecks....

Three Rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower - Cooter, Pete and KC.
As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Pete says, "Well, damn, someone should go and tell his wife."
KC says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive shit, I'll do it."
Two hours! later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Pete says, "Where did you get that beer, KC?"
"Cooter's wife gave it to me," KC replies."
That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"
"Well, not exactly, KC says.  "When she answered the door, I said to her, you must be Cooter's widow."
She said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow."
Then I said, "I'll ! bet you a case of Budweiser you are."
Rednecks are good at that sensitive shit.

Arizona Border Patrol Traffic Stop (Video)

Damn Dog (Video)

Why your letter to Santa wasn't answered (Video)

Ole

Ole vas vorking at the fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers.
He vent to da emergency room in the Clinik and vhen he got dar da Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, "Let's have da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do."
Ole said, "I haven't got da finkers."
"Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers?" he said. "Lord-it's 2006 and Ive's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you brink da finkers?"
Ole says........"How da fock vas I suppose to pick dem up?

Male Priorities!! I (Video)

Male Priorities!! II (Video)

Male Priorities!! III (Video)

Broke Back Deer Camp

Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was the second guy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up and watched him all night."

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning," he said. The other two couldn't believe it! He looked rested and wide awake. They asked, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed, patted his ass and kissed him good night. Daryl sat up and watched me all night."

Another Recall... (Video)

Chocolate Lovers Warning!!! (Page)

Underware Cops, Hillarious!!!! (Video)

THIS is drunk.......

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says NO -- he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from party, the police pull him over. They check his license and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house around the block.

The police tell the party animal to stay put, they'll be right back and they run around the corner to the robbery.

The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. The police ask if Mr. Smith is there and the wife says yes. The police ask to see him and the wife replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.

The police still have his driver's license. The police ask to see his car and the wife asks why. The police insist on seeing his car, so the wife takes the police to the garage.The wife opens the garage door; and there, sitting in the garage...... is the police car, with all its lights still flashing.

Redneck Power Windows (Video)

My Apologies (Page)

Hillary and the Pope

The Pope and Hillary Rodham Clinton are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.
'Her Majesty' and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, the senator says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Democrat in the crowd go wild?"

He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every democrat in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.

The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do. "That was impressive. But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice."

The senator seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me."

So .............. the Pope slapped her.

Huge Tax Refund Coming, Change In Law! (Video)

Achmed (Video)

This is what marriage is really all about

 He ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine - They were used to sharing everything.
The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'
As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'
She answered    THE TEETH!' 

911 What is your emergency? (Video)

Dad can't Go!

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"  Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response. "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Thanks Judd K....How's Denver?

The Nursing Home

A Mexican family was considering putting their grandfather in a nursing home.  All the Catholic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in a Jewish home.

After a few weeks in the Jewish facility, they came to visit grandpa. "How do you like it here?' asks the grandson.  "It's wonderful!  Everyone here is so courteous and respectful."  says grandpa.  " We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you.  You know, since you are a little different from everyone."  "oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here," grandpa says with a big smile.  "There's a musician here -- he's 85 years old.  He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!"

"There is a Judge in here -- he's 95 years old.  He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'!"  "And there is a physician here -- 90 years old.  He hasn't been practicing medicine for 25 years and everyone still calls him "Doctor'!"   "And me....., I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The Fucking Mexican'!"

Border Patrol Training (Video)

Snow Fairy (Pick)

Clean Your screen!

Anyone who's has ever owned an aquarium knows that you have to clean the glass on the inside, sooner or later. The same goes for the inside of the monitor screen youare watching right now. Up until now there was no such cleaner, but thanks to Microsoft there now is, thanks Bill!
       Just Click on the below link and move your curser up, down, back, and forth... This will clean the backside of your monitor screen. The results are amazing.
My computer screen looks much, much better now. You will be amazed at the difference and how much better and clearer the words appear and less strain on your eyes...  For the best results it is recommended to do a thorough inside cleaning at least once weekly. I do mine 3 - 4 times a day now, just to aid my failing eye site....
Click Below To Clean Your screen!
Click Here!
 

Welcome To Romania! (Page)

Christmas at home...

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"  The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30s to 40s , they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions". "Onions?"  "Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, "Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree". "A Christmas tree?"
"Yes --- dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."

A Catholic Tale! (Page)

Immigration! (Page)

iBoob Announced! (Page)

Water park prank! (Video)

Bonerol! (Audio)